"But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it".
SO, this where I bow my head in humility and admit to you that I am faulty. xP Yes, I have flaws, I'm not perfect and dear gosh I don't think I want to be.
This week up till now has been filled with a lot of frustration, doubt, some hyperventilation, and lots of tears. =( And let me say this, I hate to cry. I get shaky and my face starts to blotch, and my eyes hurt afterwards...I just don't like it. And because of that I don't do it very often, though it does alleviate oneself sometimes. My stress level is on the high scale. ugh.
This is the first really tough 'let's think more about REAL life and reality shall we?' bump in my senior year journey. The realization of everything I have to accomplish between now and spring just crashed down on me on Monday. Rudely. I want SO BADLY to get to that goal, it almost hurts. But I'm not doing to well in the motivation and taking one step at a time area. And so I'm not doing so hot on much needed results.
The 'light at the end of the tunnel' seems really far and almost impossible to reach...
But nothing should be impossible! And I hate giving up because I hate feeling defeated because I KNOW that I have more potential than this. I've been dragging my feet - Imagine I'm standing with a rope tied around my waist with a 100,000 pound weight on the other end. Then imagine me trying to move that weight forward. Or you could say I'm trying to dig this big hole and someone keeps filling it in behind me.
I feel like I'm getting no where. That a dent isn't even being made. This is the idea in my head, however; I'm fully aware that this is not true. CONFUSED MUCH?!
The hard truth of the fact is: I can't do everything. And that's what I've had to realize. The sad thing is I had to realize it all at once in a lovely meltdown of crapola. I have been overwhelmed by everything I have to do and want to do. I had to look at everything and decide what I did not NEED to do. What could be tossed off the caravan of classes into the unnecessary pile.
Speech - I've already taken 2 years of it. I had the joy of experiencing competition at a Regional tournament in my first year and have enjoyed participating in NCFCA. I have the skills learned from it and I will use them in my life forever. I don't need to be pressuring myself to do more of that right now. And participating in a even more competitive club was not helping. So, speech is out. Hopefully I can visit sometime.
Piano - I have played piano for...7 almost 8 years. Maybe more, I've lost track. I love playing. I love music! It's a joy to me. Sure, performing for people is fun if you don't put me on the spot and I know a song well, but I'm never going to make a career out of it (at least that's not my plan). I'm not going to become a famous pianist like some of my friends will, and I don't think I'll teach it. So striving to learn complicated pieces for a festival or a solo recital wasn't needed on my workload. So after talking to my teacher (who I LOVE and have enjoyed taking from for a long while), and crying in front of her because I so didn't want to do this, we decided that I wouldn't quit, but would ease off on the complicated pieces and work on ones that were more relaxing. It will be more of an escape from my heavy studies rather than one itself.
I will joining this youth group I which I visited last week. It seems like a great group, but there are no kids MY age and who I might enjoy being with, learning more about my faith. I'm leading a girls group though! On every other Saturday which is going to be fun and a nice point in my week. I'm grateful to have that.
I do plan on biking still, I just had to take this week off to get a grip on things. My mind will be focused on getting through the several miles rather than Pre-Calc. =P And I need the exercise.
So now things are looking a bit clearer. I can't say I'm exactly happy at the moment, and I haven't regained that excitement I had in the beginning, but I'm *relieved*. I'm ready to...to crack that Pre-Calc book and try to beat some sense out of Chemistry, and put the grind on more SAT studying on top of dual enrollment classes! yaaay. I just have to DO IT. I can...I will...I am...
So in the words of a dear friend of mine "Pick up your skirts LADIES!!!" and let's get to work.
This week up till now has been filled with a lot of frustration, doubt, some hyperventilation, and lots of tears. =( And let me say this, I hate to cry. I get shaky and my face starts to blotch, and my eyes hurt afterwards...I just don't like it. And because of that I don't do it very often, though it does alleviate oneself sometimes. My stress level is on the high scale. ugh.
This is the first really tough 'let's think more about REAL life and reality shall we?' bump in my senior year journey. The realization of everything I have to accomplish between now and spring just crashed down on me on Monday. Rudely. I want SO BADLY to get to that goal, it almost hurts. But I'm not doing to well in the motivation and taking one step at a time area. And so I'm not doing so hot on much needed results.
The 'light at the end of the tunnel' seems really far and almost impossible to reach...
But nothing should be impossible! And I hate giving up because I hate feeling defeated because I KNOW that I have more potential than this. I've been dragging my feet - Imagine I'm standing with a rope tied around my waist with a 100,000 pound weight on the other end. Then imagine me trying to move that weight forward. Or you could say I'm trying to dig this big hole and someone keeps filling it in behind me.
I feel like I'm getting no where. That a dent isn't even being made. This is the idea in my head, however; I'm fully aware that this is not true. CONFUSED MUCH?!
The hard truth of the fact is: I can't do everything. And that's what I've had to realize. The sad thing is I had to realize it all at once in a lovely meltdown of crapola. I have been overwhelmed by everything I have to do and want to do. I had to look at everything and decide what I did not NEED to do. What could be tossed off the caravan of classes into the unnecessary pile.
Speech - I've already taken 2 years of it. I had the joy of experiencing competition at a Regional tournament in my first year and have enjoyed participating in NCFCA. I have the skills learned from it and I will use them in my life forever. I don't need to be pressuring myself to do more of that right now. And participating in a even more competitive club was not helping. So, speech is out. Hopefully I can visit sometime.
Piano - I have played piano for...7 almost 8 years. Maybe more, I've lost track. I love playing. I love music! It's a joy to me. Sure, performing for people is fun if you don't put me on the spot and I know a song well, but I'm never going to make a career out of it (at least that's not my plan). I'm not going to become a famous pianist like some of my friends will, and I don't think I'll teach it. So striving to learn complicated pieces for a festival or a solo recital wasn't needed on my workload. So after talking to my teacher (who I LOVE and have enjoyed taking from for a long while), and crying in front of her because I so didn't want to do this, we decided that I wouldn't quit, but would ease off on the complicated pieces and work on ones that were more relaxing. It will be more of an escape from my heavy studies rather than one itself.
I will joining this youth group I which I visited last week. It seems like a great group, but there are no kids MY age and who I might enjoy being with, learning more about my faith. I'm leading a girls group though! On every other Saturday which is going to be fun and a nice point in my week. I'm grateful to have that.
I do plan on biking still, I just had to take this week off to get a grip on things. My mind will be focused on getting through the several miles rather than Pre-Calc. =P And I need the exercise.
So now things are looking a bit clearer. I can't say I'm exactly happy at the moment, and I haven't regained that excitement I had in the beginning, but I'm *relieved*. I'm ready to...to crack that Pre-Calc book and try to beat some sense out of Chemistry, and put the grind on more SAT studying on top of dual enrollment classes! yaaay. I just have to DO IT. I can...I will...I am...
So in the words of a dear friend of mine "Pick up your skirts LADIES!!!" and let's get to work.
(OH! BTW...I'm really excited for Friday. =D The one highlight!!)
"No, impassible. Nothing's impossible."
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